so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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