The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
