I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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