Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
