I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
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