omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
