Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
