Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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