The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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