Yo dont text me then not text me
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
