your room smells of hookers.
And success
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
