Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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