Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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