I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
