bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
