You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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