life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
