I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
