I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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