doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
