brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
