I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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