better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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