No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
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