this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
