he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
