someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
