Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
