i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
