so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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