I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Just invented taco cereal.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
