He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
