You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
