Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
