We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
