I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
