Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
