You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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