She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
