I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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