Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
