my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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