Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
