I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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