She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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