Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
My friends, they love my intelligence
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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