My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
