dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
