it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
