I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
