ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
