All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I think my nap took me to another dimension
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
