I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
